Update April 2011- Tebowisms--When Google can't find something, it asks Tim Tebow for help.

[Kent Brooks]

Thanks to Johnny Jameson who introduced me to this clip.  It is now officially my favorite YouTube clip of all time. 

 

I was just thinking that I am tired of writing about technology so why not add a posting of Tim Tebow Jokes. I am a lifetime Denver Bronco Fan so I do hope Tebow makes it big in Denver. I have removed all/most ( I hope ) of the ones which are in poor taste. Tim Tebow jokes have become a cottage industry and they are frankly very funny. Enjoy.

"I’m always hearing them at practice," Tebow said "There’s a lot of good ones." Tebow’s favorite: "Tim Tebow can believe it’s not butter." Now how many
people do you know of that can inspire their own line of jokes. OK here is goes
and yes I am sure there are repeats but remember Tim Tebow was told not to
repeat himself, once. Naturally since this is a non technology, technology post the technology ones are first, then I am slowly putting my favorites toward the top.

If you Google "Tim Tebow mistakes" you get one result saying, "Tim Tebow thought he made a mistake once, but he was mistaken."

Tim Tebow invented the internet

 

Tim Tebow can eat just one Lay’s potato chip:

Tim Tebow can touch MC Hammer.

 

What color is Tim Tebow's blood? Trick question. Tim Tebow does not bleed.

 

In an emergency, Tim Tebow cannot be used as a flotation device. He’ll simply climb out the emergency exit, grab the plane by the wing and throw it to its destination. Then he will fly himself to the
airport, beating the plane there, and then catch the plane and place it safely
on the ground.

Tim Tebow and Chuck Norris once squared off. The fight lasted for 4 years, then Tebow realized that he was actually in a fight. He immediately stiff armed Chuck Norris upon this realization. This
eventis referred to as the "Big Bang".

At birth, Tim Tebow came out arms first so he could stiff arm the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Tim Tebow but Tim Tebow.

Yoda never heard of the force until he met Tim Tebow.

Rome wasn’t built in a day because Tim Tebow wasn’t born yet.

Cars look both ways just in case Tim Tebow is crossing the street.

Tim Tebow gets called for roughing the tackler.

Tim Tebow can build a snowman out of rain.

Tim Tebow once won Connect Four in three moves.

Tim Tebow counted to infinity — Twice.

Tim Tebow counted to infinity. Twice.

Tim Tebow can dribble a football.

Tim Tebow won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn’t a big deal.

Tim Tebow once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King — and got one.

When Google can’t find something, it asks Tim Tebow for help.

If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Tim Tebow.

When the bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks the closet for Tim Tebow.

The active ingredient in Red Bull is Tim Tebow's sweat.

Tim Tebow can get Chick-Fil-A on Sundays.

People with amnesia still remember Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow's family once threw him a surprise party. Once.

Tim Tebow hits blackjack with just one card.

The only reason you're still conscious is because Tim Tebow hasn't
stiff-armed you in the face.

When TimTebow was a kid, he made his mom finish her vegetables.

Superman's only weakness is kryptonite. Tim Tebow laughs at Superman for
even HAVING a weakness.

Tim Tebow doesn't do pushups. Instead, he pushes the earth down.

Superman wears Tim Tebow pajamas.

In the beginning there was nothing. Then Tim Tebow stiff-armed that
nothing in the head and said "Get a job". That is the story of the
universe.

When life gives Tim Tebow lemons, he uses them to kill terrorists. Tim
Tebow hates lemonade.

When Google can't find something, it asks Tim Tebow for help.


Tim Tebow has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

Tim Tebow once stiff-armed a horse. That animal became what is now known
as the giraffe.

Tim Tebow is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in
the back of the head.

Tim Tebow is the reason Waldo is hiding.

When Tim Tebow wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.

When taking the SAT, write "Tim Tebow" for every answer. You will
score\ more than 1600.

Tim Tebow was once asked to repeat himself. The last thing that person
ever heard was the whooshing sound of a stiff-arm.

Tim Tebow can kick start a car.

Tim Tebow gets called for roughing the tackler.

When Tebow spikes the ball, he strikes oil.

You can lead a horse to water, but Tim Tebow can make him drink.

Tim Tebow doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Tim Tebow can get breakfast at McDonald's after 10:30 A.M.

Tim Tebow ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Tim Tebow saved the manatees. Then he stiff armed them back on the
endandered species list so they wouldn't get cocky.

Tim Tebow was Jerome Bettis' stunt double.

Little known medical fact: Tim Tebow invented the Caesarean section when
he bull-rushed his way out of his mother’s womb. He thought it was 4th
down.

Tim Tebow invented the pedestal. Then he invented the stiff arm to have
something to knock people off it.

The recent earthquake off the coast of Florida measured 6.0 on the
Richter scale, or .024 Tim Tebows.

A spike in Tim Tebow stiff arms caused the tooth fairy to go broke in
1997.

An Ohio St Fan once told a joke at Tim Tebow's expense... well we all
know what happened next.

Tim Tebow told Steve Irwin not to mess with stingrays.

Hollywood asked Tim Tebow to play the juggernaut in X-Men, but he was
busy that day.

You don't hit Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow hits you!

Tim Tebow doesn't get sacked. Tim Tebow sacks defensive linemen.

Tebow doesn't throw interceptions, he throws the ball to you so he can
hit you on the return.

SuperMan wears Tim Tebow Pajamas. So does Lou Holtz.

Tim Tebow built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Tebow met all three bullets with his
stiff arm, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.


At birth, Tim Tebow came out arms first so he could stiff arm the doctor
in the face. Nobody delivers Tim Tebow but Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Tim Tebow sleeps with a night light. Not because Tim Tebow is afraid of
the dark, but the dark is afraid of Tim Tebow.

Rome wasn’t built in a day because Tim Tebow wasn’t born yet.

When Tim Tebow eats, he doesn’t have to wait 30 minutes to swim.

Freddy Krueger is scared to sleep because he might meet Tim Tebow in his
dream.

Tim Tebow’s number is 15 because that’s how many players it takes to
tackle him.

A meteor didn’t kill the dinosaurs; Tim Tebow did in a pickup football game

 

 

Referees created instant replay so they could admire Tim Tebow more than
once.

They once asked Ray Lewis if he'd like to run full speed at Tim Tebow,
and he said "No".

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Tim Tebow.

When Tim Tebow was a kid he made his mom finish HER vegetables

 

When Tim Tebow was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he threw a football at the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Tim Tebow has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series
of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card,
a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

When it rains in the swamp Tim Tebow doesn't get wet. The rain gets Tim
Tebow'd.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Tim Tebow is worth 1 billion words.

Tim Tebow CAN believe it's not butter.

The recent earthquake off the coast of Florida measured 6.0 on the Richter
scale, or .024 Tim Tebows.

Tim Tebow picked up the city of New Orleans with his pinky, and drained it.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is
an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to Tim
Tebow.

Tim Tebow's hand is the only hand that beats a Royal Flush.

If tapped, a Tim Tebow rush could power the country of Australia for 44
minutes.

Tim Tebow can divide by zero.

Tim Tebow has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

Tim Tebow won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it
wasn't a big deal.

When taking the SAT, write 'Tim Tebow' for every answer. You will score more
than 1600.

Tim Tebow ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Tim Tebow played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Life doesn't give Tim Tebow lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants.

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236.
It defined 'victim' as 'one who has encountered Tim Tebow'

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Tim Tebow lives in Florida.

Tim Tebow has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in
his way.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Tim Tebow laughs at Superman for having
a weakness.

It takes Tim Tebow 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Tim Tebow CAN touch MC Hammer.

Tim Tebow caught the road runner, then laughed at Wily E. Coyote for being a
wimp.

 

· Scientists are having to change the "laws of physics" because of Tim Tebow.

 

· Tim Tebow > Herschel Walker + Peyton Manning.

 

· Tim Tebow's energy is causing global warming.

 

· When Tim Tebow has a headache, the whole world hurts!

 

· When Tamiflu gets sick, it takes Tim Tebow.

 

· Hurricanes only hit Florida when Tim Tebow is on vacation, to bad he doesn't go on vacation.

 

· Tim Tebow let the dogs out, want to make something of it?

 

· Tim Tebow laughed when he saw this website and pounded his laptop so hard that 15 new facts were added,
including this one.

 

· God sometimes wonders if Tim tebow really exists.

 

· When Tim Tebow makes a great play he points to the sky, when other players make a great play they point to
Tim Tebow.

 

· If you Google "Tim Tebow mistakes" you get one result saying, "Tim Tebow thought he made a mistake once, but he was mistaken."

 

· Tim Tebow does not travel at the speed of light, light travels at the speed of Tim Tebow.

 

· When Tim Tebow was born, three people cried. His mother and father for being given such a beautiful, healthy baby,
and the doctor. Hey, what'd you expect to happen to the first guy who slapped
Tim Tebow?

 

· The woman who tried to buy the stairway to heaven learned she only had to pay a small toll to Tim Tebow who
then donated the toll to the poor

 

· Tim Tebow has had to register each of his 206 bones as a concealed lethal weapon. His auditory ossicles
(inner ear bones) once took down a wave of Palestinian rockets fired into
Israel's West Bank

 

· Hostile alien races do exist. They just know better than to try to attack Earth while Tim Tebow's on it.

 

· Tim Tebow can not only judge a book by its cover, he can read it, give you a detailed synopsis, and tell you
what the author's favorite food is.

 

· When Tim Tebow broke his leg in high school, the doctors didn't apply bandages or gauze. They wrapped his leg
in barbed wire.

 

· Tim Tebow has counted out pi to its final decimal place.

 

· Schools did not determine their uniform colors randomly. They chose the best hues that would cover up the
bruises left on them by Tim Tebow.

 

· Kim Jong Il refused to release those American journalists until we threatened to send Tim Tebow over.

 

· When the irresistible force met the immovable object, the result was Tim Tebow.

 

· Tim Tebow was once caught between a rock and hard place. Neither the rock nor the hard place remain
standing today.

 

· Instead of getting in the ice tub or whirlpool after a game, Tim Tebow prefers going to the Agricultural College
and wrestling steers.

 

· Tim Tebow was late for practice one day.The rest of the team had to run laps for being early.

 

· Tebow can make a paraplegic run for his life.

 

· Outer space exists because it is scared to be on the same planet as Tebow.

 

· Tebow does not sleep, he waits.

 

· Tebow can kill two stones with one bird.

 

· Tebow can build a snowman out of rain.

 

· Whoever coined the phrase "defense wins championship" obviously never heard of Tim Tebow.

 

· Jack Bauer needs 24 hours to save the world, Tebow needs just one.

 

· Tim Tebow is the only known player to score on offense without the ball.

 

· Notre Dame players now touch a "Play like Tim Tebow today" sign while heading out to the field.

 

· When the President asks for the football to order a nuclear strike, the launch codes are Tim Tebow’s cell phone number.

 

· Tim Tebow doesn't mow the grass.......He dares it to grow!

 

· Tim Tebow can stiff arm through all 6 degrees of separation hitting anyone, anywhere at any time.

 

· The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally
solved when Tim Tebow stiff armed himself in the face.

 

· People used to say they feel like they got run over by a bus. Now they say they feel like they were hit by
Tim Tebow.

 

· Tim Tebow told the NFL, "I'll be there when I'm ready. And dont ask me again!!!!!!!!"

 

· When Tim Tebow Jumps He doesn't land, rather the earth is pulled to him with his gravitational pull, the same
one that allows defenders to tackle him.

 

· Tim Tebow set Adam and Eve up on a blind date.

 

· Tim Tebow once raced a Ferrari. It ended in a tie because the Ferrari ran out of gas and Tim Tebow got bored.

 

· Time is money. Money is Tim Tebow.

 

· God wears No. 15 in his eye black.

 

· Notre Dame players now touch a "Play like Tim Tebow today" sign while heading out to the field.

 

· When the President asks for the football to order a nuclear strike, the launch codes are Tim Tebow's cell phone number.

 

· Tim Tebow once won connect four in 3 moves.

 

· Tim Tebow's tears cure cancer, its too bad Tim Tebow doesn't cry.

 

· The National Hurricane Center started to name a hurricane Tim Tebow but got scared because they feared it
would destroy the world.

 

· Tim Tebow can see the yellow line, -referring to the yellow first down line only see on tv.

 

· Tim Tebow doesn't eat. Machines don't need food.

 

· Tim Tebow is the real reason the Energizer Bunny keeps running, and running, and running.

 

· As a child, Superman was asked who'd he want to be when he grows up.....he said "Tim Tebow."

 

· Tim Tebow doesnt the throw the ball, instead it leaves his hand out of plain fear.

 

· Tim Tebow doesn't get rained on, the rain gets Tim Tebow'ed.

 

· Tim Tebow fought the law.....and won.

 

· Tim Tebow doesnt make first downs, first downs come to him.

 

· Tim Tebow walked before he crawled.

 

· God made the world in six days, then rested on the 7th because 5 of those 6 were spent making Tim Tebow.

 

· After the Gators beat Oklahoma in the championship game, Nike changed their slogan to- "Just do it...like
Tim Tebow!"

 

· Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Tim Tebow.

 

· If Tim Tebow were a superhero, he'd be... Tim Tebow.

 

· The Incredible Hulk doesn't want to make Tim Tebow angry.

 

· Tebow spiked the ball after the 2007 BCS bowl game; creating what we now know as the Grand Canyon.

 

· Tim Tebow once allowed a fortune teller to read his palm. Unfortunately, she did not see it coming.

 

· Tim Tebow once did a thousand one arm push-ups, with both arms tied behind his back.

 

· When Oprah needs advice she asks Tim Tebow.

 

· The average person gets 200 points for writing your name on the SAT. Tim Tebow got 1600.

 

· Tim Tebow is the not the Bronko Nagurski of 2008. He wouldn't need a plow to turn a field. He'd do it by hand.

 

· When Tim Tebow holds the Heisman, it puts down its stiff arm.

 

· Tim Tebow taught the "2 Bits" cheer to George Edmondson

 

· The light at the end of the tunnel isn't a freight train, it's Tim Tebow.

 

· Tim Tebow once got Blackjack with one card.

 

· Tim Tebow's hand is the only hand that beats a Royal Flush.

 

· Life doesn't give Tim Tebow lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants.

 

· When you open a can of whoop-ass, Tim Tebow jumps out.

 

· It takes Tim Tebow 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

 

· Tim Tebow doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

 

· Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined 'victim' as 'one
who has encountered Tim Tebow

 

· Tim Tebow' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

 

· When Tim Tebow was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he threw a football at the store
so hard it became a Wendy's.

 

· When Tim Tebow calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

 

· If it looks like beef, smells like beef, and tastes like beef, but Tim Tebow says it’s chicken. You better
believe its chicken.

 

· Tim Tebow loves women. All of them. At the same time.

 

· Tim Tebow pummels that bridge when he gets to it.

 

· Tim Tebow laughs when you hit him in the funnybone.

 

· Superman is the Tim Tebow of superheroes.

 

· Tim Tebow can be at two places at once.

 

· Tim Tebow doesn't punch in to work. He stiff arms.

 

· Before going on stage for his first theatrical role, Tim Tebow was told, "Break a leg." The entire
cast was carted to the hospital minutes later.

 

· Mit Wobet was the first man to spell his name backwards.

 

· Tim Tebow wrote a book called "The Tim Tebow Experience". Readers opened the book and received a
pop-out stiff arm to the face.

 

· Tim Tebow can eat five times his body weight in tigers.

 

· Tim Tebow could drink 24 gallons of milk in an hour without throwing up if wanted. He chooses not to because the
calcium would make his bones so strong he would instantly kill anyone he
touched.

 

· Tim Tebow' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

 

· What color is Tim Tebow's blood? Trick question. Tim Tebow does not bleed.

 

· Tim Tebow ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

 

· Tim Tebow is helping Santa this year, no reindeers needed and he'll be finished before midnight.

 

· When Tebow scores a touchdown it's worth 7 points without the extra point kick, but he always gives one back
in the spirit of being a missionary.

 

· Tim Tebow can get Chick-Fil-A on Sundays.

 

· Companies that produce solar powered products are studying Tim Tebow because he can always find daylight.

 

· If at first you don't succeed...you are not Tim Tebow.

 

· Michigan players have been caught around campus running into brick walls and trying to bring down
lampposts. Unfortunately they will still not be prepared to tackle Tim Tebow.

 

· When Tim Tebow does push ups, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the world down.

 

· When the bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks the closet for Tim Tebow.

 

· People with amnesia still remember Tim Tebow.

 

· Tim Tebow's family once threw him a surprise party. Once.

 

· The only reason you're still conscious is because Tim Tebow hasn't stiff-armed you in the face.

 

· When Tim Tebow was a kid, he made his mom finish his vegetables.

 

· Superman's only weakness is kryptonite. Tim Tebow laughs at Superman for even HAVING a weakness.

 

· Superman wears Tim Tebow pajamas.

 

· Tim Tebow counted to infinity. Twice.

 

· In the beginning there was nothing. Then Tim Tebow stiff-armed that nothing in the head and said "Get
a job". That is the story of the universe.

 

· When life gives Tim Tebow lemons, he uses them to kill terrorists. Tim Tebow hates lemonade.

 

· When Google can't find something, it asks Tim Tebow for help.

 

· Tim Tebow has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

 

· Tim Tebow once stiff-armed a horse. That animal became what is now known as the giraffe.

 

· Tim Tebow is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

 

· Tim Tebow is the reason Waldo is hiding

 

· When Tim Tebow wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.

 

· When taking the SAT, write "Tim Tebow" for every answer. You will score more than 1600.

 

· Tim Tebow can dribble a football.

 

· Tim Tebow was once asked to repeat himself. The last thing that person ever heard was the whooshing sound
of a stiff-arm.

 

· Tim Tebow can kick start a car.

 

· Tim Tebow gets called for roughing the tackler.

 

· When Tebow spikes the ball, he strikes oil.

 

· Barry Bonds didnt take steroids, he injected tim tebows saliva.

 

· Tim Tebow scares the grim reaper to death.

 

· You can lead a horse to water, but Tim Tebow can make him drink.

 

· Tim Tebow doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

 

· Tim Tebow can get breakfast at McDonald's after 10:30 A.M.

 

· Tim tebow once sneezed at the line of scrimmage and knocked over a linebacker.

 

· The Heisman Trophy won Tim Tebow.

 

· David didn’t beat Goliath, Tim Tebow did.

 

· When Tim Tebow drives the lights automatically turn green because he can’t be stopped.

 

· Tim Tebow’s the reason vampires don’t come out during the day.

 

· Police clocked Tim Tebow going 50 in a 25, only they couldn’t ticket him because he was running.

 

· Jimmy Hoffa is buried under the Meadowlands because he tried to tackle Tim Tebow and got run over.

 

· Tim Tebow wins a golf scramble, by himself.

 

· The speed limit on the University of Florida campus is 20 because that’s how many defenders Tim Tebow
runs over on one play.

 

· When Tim Tebow eats, he doesn’t have to wait 30 minutes to swim.

 

· Freddy Krueger is scared to sleep because he might meet Tim Tebow in his dream.

 

· Tim Tebow’s number is 15 because that’s how many players it takes to tackle him.

 

· A meteor didn’t kill the dinosaurs; Tim Tebow did in a pickup football game.

 

· Referees created instant replay so they could admire Tim Tebow more than once.

 

· College football has the BCS instead of a playoff so only one team has to face Tim Tebow.

 

· Area 51 doesn’t study aliens, it studies Tim Tebow.

 

· "Godzilla" won't face Tim Tebow because Tim's too tough.

 

· Sony created PlayStation 3 because it was the only way to fit Tim Tebow’s greatness onto one screen.

 

· Ponce de Leon wasn’t looking for the fountain of youth; he was looking for Tim Tebow.

 

· “I am Legend” isn’t about the last man on Earth; it’s about Tim Tebow.

 

· Tim Tebow can eat just one Lay’s Potato Chip. Don’t tell Tim what he can’t do.

 

· The recent earthquake off the coast of Florida measured 6.0 on the Richter scale, or .024 Tim Tebows.

 

· Every time you hear a bell ring, an angel got a Tebow autograph.

 

· There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Tim Tebow lives in Florida.

 

· When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Tim Tebow signal.

 

· Tim Tebow invented the cesarian section when he jumped out of his moms stomach, he thought it was fourth and one.

 

· Tim Tebow saved the manatees. Then he stiff armed them back on the endandered species list so they wouldnt
get cocky.

 

· Tim Tebow invented the pedestal. Then he invented the stiff arm to have something to knock people off it.

 

· A spike in Tim Tebow stiff arms caused the tooth fairy to go broke in 2007.

 

· An Ohio St Fan once told a joke at Tim Tebow's expense... well we all know what happened next.

 

· Tim Tebow told Steve Irwin not to mess with stingrays.

 

· You don't hit Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow hits you!

 

· Tim Tebow doesn't get sacked. Tim Tebow sacks defensive linemen.

 

· Tebow doesn't throw interceptions, he throws the ball to you so he can hit you on the return.

 

· Tim Tebow built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Tebow met all three bullets with his stiff arm, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of
sheer amazement.

 

· Tim Tebow sleeps with a night light. Not because Tim Tebow is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Tim Tebow.

 

· The quickest way to a man's heart is with Tim Tebow's forearm.